This is an old rant but I like it!

I'd like to start this one by saying I don't smoke cigarettes and at the most I'll smoke a few Cigars in a week.  

Well a state wide smoking ban  took effect snaking by with a slight majority in favor which forbids smoking in all indoor public areas and places of employment except tobacco shops, designated hotel rooms, enclosed areas in nursing homes, some family-owned and operated businesses, outdoor patios and private clubs.   Literal interpretation of this law states everywhere even outdoors by the way.  So technically you can only smoke in your house or in your car unless specifically stated otherwise in the new law.

Now I guess this is the part where I’m gonna get all pissed off and bitch about how I can’t smoke my cigars in some bars anymore.  Well that isn’t what pisses me off the most.  Is it the way this is fucking our local bar and restaurant owners out of an average of 30% revenue or that they’re not even giving those owners a chance to install a better air-handling system or a separate section for smokers?  Nah, not even that.  Then it must be the decline in tobacco sales which will force the state to raise other taxes to make up for the loss in cigarette tax revenue or hike the insane tobacco tax up even more, right?  Wrong again.

What pisses me off are the smug ass pieces of shit that are behind this ban.  The assholes that tell us that “it’s for your own good” and “oh, its ok, people will grumble for a bit but they’ll accept it”

Well, think again!  Most bars and restaurants affected by the local ban over a year ago are still not seeing anywhere near the revenue they did before the ban because people just aren’t coming back.  People that used to go to a restaurant and then going out for a drink are now going through the drive through and staying at home in front of the TV so they can enjoy a cigarette!  (McDonald’s thanks you by the way)

The biggest pisser about this is all the campaigning and misleading ads on TV and basically everywhere else supporting the ban.  No one is “allowed” to post anti-smoking ban ads or they can be sued for advertising and or promoting tobacco!  Kind of a one-way street don’t ya think?  On top of this is the gobs of money being used to support the anti smoking ban came from, surprise, money that the cigarette companied lost in lawsuits.  Ya know I think there were better ways to use that money but that's just me.  The anti smoking camp then dares to say they are being supported by tobacco companies.   Yeah sure, I’m pretty certain the tobacco companies are right behind you.  (Hopefully with a ball bat and concrete shoes)

So once again congrats all you voters on giving up just one more freedom under the guise of the greater good.  Oh and to all those clean air bastards who think they know how I should live my life.  FUCK YOU! And have a nice day : )

Ok so maybe they’re stupid, maybe they’re lied to, maybe they just refuse to see the truth, who knows.  I received this fun little bulletin in my MySpace account this morning.  Now in his defense he’s only 16 and more than likely his parents are pro W.

“Date: Aug 23, 2006 7:15 PM Subject NO SCHOOL ON ((SEPT.11))..... Body: NO SCHOOL ON ((SEPT.11)).....
EVERYBODY STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL ON SEPTEMBER 11TH... NO MATTER WHAT SCHOOL YOU GO TO, WHAT STATE YOU LIVE IN, ALL STUDENTS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA...SHOULD HAVE A NATIONAL SKIP DAY, THINK ABOUT IT... TEACHERS SHOW UP AND NOBODY IS IN CLASS... THEN THEY'LL LEAVE... TELL A LOT OF PEOPLE AND LETS SEE IF WE CAN MAKE IT ON NEWS... WHY SEPTEMBER 11TH? BECAUSE ITS AN ANIVERSERY OF THE DAY IRAQ TOOK AWAY AMERICAN LIVES BOTH WORKERS IN THE TWIN TOWERS, AND POLICE, AND FIREMAN... JUST KEEP REPOSTING AND TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW... SEPTEMBER 11TH NO SCHOOL...!!!!!!!!COME ON YOU GUYS DO IT, IT WILL GET THERE!”

Now this is the part that makes me want to smack the fuck outta this kid

“WHY SEPTEMBER 11TH? BECAUSE ITS AN ANIVERSERY OF THE DAY IRAQ TOOK AWAY AMERICAN LIVES”

IRAQ!?!?  You fucking stupid bastard, Al Qaeda crashed the planes that day and then that fucktard Bush, who was coming under more and more fire for invading Iraq for no fucking reason other than a personal grudge, was trying to cover his tracks by making up fake documents to say Iraq was behind it and Iraq supported Al Qaeda.  That God damned piece of shit.  And whenever anyone wants to know where they got that information from its "top secret" or "it’s in a memo that you can’t see".  What fucking bullshit. 

It pisses me off that there are so many politicians and companies that will be making big money off of “war” while the American tax payers financially supported Rtard Bush and his money hungry buddies.   Then they put out propaganda to brain wash the American people into thinking this war is about terrorists.   Why the fuck would terrorists go to where they know we will attack? 

The only thing that pisses me off more than that stupid fuck W are stupid fucks like the one who wrote this bulletin who are too fucking stupid to work out the fact that they are being lied to.  Think for yourself for 5 fucking seconds.  Just because it’s on the news or because your equally retarded friend tells you its true doesn’t make it true.

Ok I hope that made sense since I and sooooo fucking pissed off right now I can’t see straight.

Read this if you actually think Al Qaeda and Iraq work together or just search it yourself.  Remember Google is our friend.  Normally I hate wikipedia but this article is actually right for once.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saddam_Hussein_and_al-Qaeda

PS. President Bush if by some random turn off events you actually read this post I dare you to come here and in fact I’ll drive to D.C. if your too lazy to come here and look me straight in the eye and tell me your not lying.  This is the only way I’ll believe any of the bullshit you’re feeding us.  And yes, I can tell when people lie to my face.

Ok This one is  a little thrown together but here I go.

So I was listening to the radio today and some lady was talking about how her 10 year old son came to get her when someone came to the door and said “Mom there are two lesbians at the door.”  She was then going on about how she never knew that type of thing when she was 10.  Well guess what?   Your son is smarter and more worldly educated then you were when you were 10 and he's got Gaydar.  It's not that there weren't lesbians around back when you were a child, people just did not have the access to information they do now (thank you Google).  She was dependent on her family and friends, where as these days you can just search it on the internet.   You shouldn't limit your children's knowledge just because you didn't know something they do at that age. 

This brings up the whole debate over children on the internet.  Just because you don't know which button turns the damn computer on and tech support told you that you were fucking idiot when you told them you couldn't find the “ANY” key does not mean you should take the computer away from your kids.  Face it they know how to use a computer better than you.  The internet is one of the greatest tools available for your child to learn about and explore places they can’t go and can foster a learning they will need to compete with all of the other kids that have been browsing the web since they could hold a mouse.  Don’t feed me that line of bullshit “Oh, their not ready for it yet” well chances are they already know about it as in the example earlier.  Instead of holding your child back about topics like sex, drugs and other “unsavory” things you think their little minds can’t comprehend, you should sit down with your child as soon as he/she shows an interest in a topic and talk to them about it.  Don’t limit them with the “well I didn’t learn about X until I was X years old” bullshit because hey, guess what the kid is probably learning about it already.

 Talk with your kids about subjects when their interest is peaked.  Otherwise they will continue to be curious and if you’re any type of parent you should already know that curious kids will satisfy their curiosity one way or another.  This is where things potentially can go terribly wrong since they may ask these questions to the wrong people.  Teach them about the internet just like you would anything else.  There are good and bad parts.  Just like you tell them not to talk to strangers on the street, tell them not to talk to stranger online. 

Learn about the computer you own.  It’s a sophisticated piece of machinery that through the miracles of modern science can be used by most idiots that can’t boil water.  Take a class or if you run into something you don’t know search it on Google.com.  Once you know the computer better you can learn how to teach your children proper computer etiquette.

So spend a little time with your kids and explain things to them.  Start a healthy open dialogue with them now because once they make it to being a teen the lines of communication are gonna get severed and you’ll wish you had started talking to them earlier.  And don’t shut them down just because they know something you don’t or they learn it at an earlier age.  Remember the children are our future.  Yeah, we’re boned

So what in the hell is up with the homosexual witch hunt lately?  Everyone is all fired up because someone who is openly gay is trying to get into some position in some company or some religious organization and all the homophobes are up in arms about it. 

To everyone out there that's reading this answer me one question.  When is the last time a homosexual has done anything to harm you or someone around you?  Seriously you would swear that there's a gay gang out there dressed like the village people just waiting to slit your throat on the way to the park. 

Instead of focusing on what gay person is going to your church, how about focusing on real issues like crime rates, cancer cures or the shitty lack of jobs and crappy economy?  And for all the religious do-gooders out there who think God, the all mighty creator of the universe, maker of all that has and ever will be, would actually care so much about keeping homosexuals out of the church that he would have you prioritize it above actual events of importance like helping your fellow man, PUT DOWN THE CRACK PIPE!  I'm certain if it was such a big deal to him/her there would have been an 11^th commandment along the lines of “thou shalt not stick thy penis in some dudes ass.” 

I happen to belong to a religion and have read the Bible and the King James take on it which happens to have most of the anti homosexual passages like Leviticus 20:13.   The James I take with a grain of salt considering it was something like at least the 6^th time that that particular Bible was rewritten or translated and of course there's James’ suspected homosexuality and possible ulterior motives to consider.  (If any of this is a surprise or shock to you go do a Google search on them on the internet or just go to the library and look it up.)

The next time you're on your way to an anti-gay rally, think to yourself “hey you know what, I could be helping out at a soup kitchen or collecting funds to help children go to college”.  Nope instead you’re going to bitch about someone that you've never met or even know anything about other than that they are big on musical theater.  You should instead think of the benefits of having homosexuals around.  For instance if you and a gay guy are hanging out at a bar

A: women love gay guys, it's been proven scientifically, so all the chicks are  going to sit with you

B: he's no competition for them, so their all yours!

Win, Win Situation in my opinion.

I have a very simple philosophy about this.  If someone is not bothering myself or anyone else, why bother them?  There, I just solved like 90% of the worlds issues.  I should be a freakin diplomat.  

 Vote B.R. 2012!

Corn gas.  Not just from Oolongs ass any more.

Who would have known living in Ohio around a bunch of farmers and corn fields would actually come in handy one day.  So for all of you who avoid the retarded ramblings of the news as much as I do you might not have heard of the new controversy involving the use of corn based ethanol as fuel.   Basically corn or more specifically a certain type of corn can be distilled into a form of ethanol which can be used to power vehicles and other form of internal combustion motors.  Since this is a new (not really just new to media) and not as of yet very widely understood technology, every two bit moron with access to the media has been coming up with their own emotionally or hear say fueled ideas on why this form of fuel will not work.  They come up with stupid ass remark like when you use corn that way your wasting food and the starving children in some fucking disease ridden third world country are starving and could use that corn.  Whaaa. 

Ok first how the fuck, do you propose we move eighty million fucking bushels of corn halfway around the world to these people?  Second do you realize how fucking pissed those starving ass people are going to be when the corn shows up and it’s fuel grade not meant to be eaten.  More than likely they’ll hit you in the head with a rock and cut you up for sandwiches.  Just try to think for a minute you god damn moron!

Then there are those who believe there will be a food shortage if we start using corn for fuel.  The first thing I ask those people is

“Well, so we’re gonna run out of food if we start using corn for fuel huh?  So, when’s the last time you went hungry because there was no corn in the frig, you fat fuck?  As a matter of fact when did you last eat anything made of corn that made up a significant portion of your nutrition or lack there of?  There are three main food groups for Americans, sugar, fat and salt.  No where is corn in there, and I think you’ll survive without your corn flakes. The only significant impact will be on stoners who go to Taco bell and have to get a soft taco instead of crunchy.

Oh and for all of you that have religious or moral reasons why corn should not be used for food.  Again it’s not corn you can eat!  And second shut the fuck up!   There is nothing I can say persuasively or scientifically to these people that will make them even listen or consider anything other than what they have been hard wired to believe.  They just shut it out and go on in their little bubble of a life so I’m not even going to waste my energy on them. 

Next I usually enlighten people to the fact that corn is in surplus in the country hence why it is so relatively cheap.  Many farmers are being paid by the government to plow under and or just not plant corn so that the surplus doesn’t go any higher and the price of corn doesn’t drop like an epileptic at a light show.  Some people whine saying corn already costs 10 billion a year to grow and it takes water and fertilizer and some other BS rationalizations.  I answer that with, how much money did the oil companies anal rape us out of last year?  I spend 30 dollars a week in gas, not corn, and I’d rather spend the money on ethanol knowing it’s going to American based companies instead of rich Oil companies in the Middle East.  How terrible is that?  Creating new jobs and less dependence on foreign oil so the money stays in the US economy.  On top of that the left over mash from making the fuel is suitable to be fed to live stock so there is very little left over waste and cheap feed for cows can lower meat costs.

But where are we going to plant all the corn?  How about in the Tobacco fields that are going out of business due to the taxes on cigarettes, cigars and other forms of Tobacco.  (You fucking clean air Bustards.  Thanks to you I’ve gotta drop one to two hundred dollars on a 24 box of cigars.  I hope you all fucking die of cancer from your diet cokes)

Now will ethanol replace gasoline?   Of course not!  At least not right away.  What are you going to put in your POS VW bus and all the other cars that don’t work with ethanol?    People have to realize this stuff is going to happen gradually and think in terms of years and decades not months.   This may be particularly hard for the asshole who starts honking his horn if he has to wait more then 5 min at the McDonalds drive thru (see next weeks rant).  More realistically you’ll sooner see cars that run on 50/50 blends and have hybrid capabilities before you see a significant number of full ethanol burning cars on the road.  But until then just get over your hang ups and let technology do it’s thing.

Please see the follow articles and if you feel so compelled, write the authors or myself with your thoughts.  Also search it yourself, learn and come up with your own conclusions.

http://www.truthout.org/cgi-bin/artman/exec/view.cgi/38/12772 

http://journeytoforever.org/biofuel_food.html

Health foods

There are two conditions I’ve found for a truly healthy meal;

1.  It tastes like crap.  These are the organic crap and dirtbars you see hippies choking down in front of the organic store.  They will tell you it’s the most delicious food in the world.  Well when you’re stoned of your ass most of the day anything you put in your mouth is the best thing you’ve ever eaten and suddenly Dave Mathews rocks.  Why do you think Twinkies and Funions made it so long?

2.  It has to be expensive.  You go somewhere and have a tasty, healthy meal made for you that’s low on fat; sodium, sugar and all the other stuff that makes food taste good and then they use skillful cooking and seasoning to make up the flavor.  This is also a skillful way to drop about eighty bucks on a meal for two.  Unless you are willing to go out and hunt down a small woodland animal and eat it raw or march your fat ass into a field and graze you’re not going to get a healthy meal outside of your home for fewer than twenty bucks.

So now we have all the carb retards and calorie counters come out and say I’ve been eating healthy, losing weight and the food tastes good.  Wrong, healthy and weight loss are two very different things.  For example I could go to a certain sub chain and get a low fat lunchmeat sandwich the taste of which makes most true deli owners hurl and say “hey I’m eating to lose weight.”  But I’ve also just wolfed down a butt load of preservatives and enough sodium to give me the blood pressure of a Giraffe. (And yes that’s high)   So that leaves the Joe blow American with three choices.  Conform to the high cost or low flavor of healthy eating out.  Cook for yourself and buy healthy food to cook with which often ends up costing as much as eating out.  Or just eat the crap that tastes good and say the hell with my health and weight.  So, which do you choose? 

Ah… screw it.  All this talk about food has made me hungry, I’m getting some chicken wings and a beer.

Everyone thinks what they believe is right. 

 Think about it, when is the last time you believed something that you thought was wrong?  What if you believe something and later see proof that you were wrong, would you still believe it?  Some people do every day... it’s called blind faith.  In my opinion one of the most dangerous weapons on earth and in the wrong hands can cause utter destruction. 

This brings me to the fucking super bitch standing in front of a local college telling everyone that walks by that they are either the hand of the devil or just plain going to hell for one stupid ass reason or another.   Some personal favorites I was privileged to hear were;

-          To a girl with a bit much makeup on  - “You're a whore and are going straight to hell you gussied up slut”

-          To a Hindi girl in a Muslim style outfit - “Heathens like you are what corrupts our American values you terrorist!”

-          “I was the prostitute of the Devil and I was set free by the good word”

She seriously looked like she was going to have a heart attack.  I really wanted to blow off the rest of work that day, go home get my devil costume from a prank we did a while back and just walk up to her and agree with everything she says.  You see, people like her get their energy from conflict,  the more you argue the more they rant on like the mindless retards they are.  So I figure just agreeing with her while dressed as her “biggest enemy” should really get a rise out of her.  Look for this in a future video if she ever comes back.  The costumes in my trunk as I type this.

Wearing flippers in the lap pool.    One of the things that pisses me off to no end is when old women go to swim in the lap pool at the Y and wear flippers.  They go back and forth as fast as they can trying to beat the rest of the swimmers and then, out of breath, give you a smug look like they just won an Olympic metal.  That’s like a 400 pound fat ass on a scooter, who looks like his ass sprouted wheels, winning a race against a distance runner and thinking it’s a victory.  

Now for the vast majority, one thing that pisses me off is 16 year olds whose Mommy and Daddy bought them some new car they saw in some racing movie because they whined about it.  And no!  Mowing the lawn does not mean you worked for it!  They then get on the internet and after saying hi to their buddies on MySpace they then go onto some car forum and the first words they type are I’m only 16 but  I am an experienced driver ...  Experience comes from doing!  Six month of driving your moms minivan is not experience! 

Then the stupid questions come; I’m having trouble launching at the track @ 7k rpms or I installed “NOS” (it's nitrous retards) and now my engine is on fire.  And of course the classic; I put an eBay boost controller on my new car,  cranked my boost way up and  blew up my engine do you think the dealer will replace it under warranty?

 Ok, first, if you’re a parent and you’re reading this, buying a 16 year old a powerful car is like giving them a pound of C4.  Sooner or later it’s gonna splatter him or her all  over the pavement.  I know.  I’ve done it.  (may my Camaro rest in pieces).  Start your kid on a ricer car.  Something that sounds like a lawnmower with the choke stuck wide open and gets 30 miles to the gallon so he’s not bugging you for gas money all the time.   He'll be happy he has a noise maker with stickers all over it and you can sleep well knowing it tops out at 85.  This will keep the little twerp happy until he has some driving experience under his belt and is old enough to be annoyed by crappy 16 year old drivers on cell phones who rev their engines at anyone their next to a stop light.  Then let the little retard get a job and earn the money to buy his next car.  At this point it’ll dawn on him that all the money he was spending on CRAP he could have saved up and bought a nice car.  So not only have you helped your child get valuable driving experience but you’ve also taught him an important life lesson about buying crap!